Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I’ll Shut Up

Two mismatched security guards are thrown together to bust a smuggling operation.

Sakai is a city near Osaka by the bay famous for its swords in the old days and kitchen knives today. Norio is an antique dealer in the city. Sasuke is a potter in the city. Seventeenth century tea master Sen No Rikyu appears before them one day.

This film explores the daily lives of two aging, eccentric relatives of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Edie Bouvier Beale and her mother, Edith, are the sole inhabitants of a Long Island estate. During the course of the documentary, they discuss their habits, desires and former loves with filmmakers Albert and David Maysles. The women reveal themselves to be misfits with outsized, engaging personalities. Much of the conversation is centered on their pasts, as mother and daughter now rarely leave home.

With Valentine’s Day approaching, Eve Lovett (Joely Fisher), a workaholic TV talk show host with a string of failed relationships, is worried she will never find true love. But when a mysterious stranger named Vernon Gart (Jamie Kennedy) shows up on the set claiming to work for Cupid, Inc., Eve has no idea her love life is about to get an arrow right through the heart.

In 2004, Hope Ann Greggory became an American hero after winning the bronze medal for the women’s gymnastics team. Today, she’s still living in her small hometown, washed-up and embittered. Stuck in the past, Hope must reassess her life when a promising young gymnast threatens her local celebrity status.

An uptight by-the-book cop must protect the widow of a drug boss from crooked cops and gunmen.

Pirdy is accident prone. He has been denied insurance from every company in town because he is always getting hit or hurt in some way. On the day that he meets the lovely Ellen of the Yellow Cab Co., he also meets the crooked lawyer named Creavy. Pirdy is an inventor and when Creavy learns about elastic-glass, his new invention, he makes plans to steal the process. With the help of another con man named Doksteader, and the boys, he will steal this million dollar invention no matter who gets hurt.

Wife and mother Tammy Pescatelli, winner of Comedy Central’s “Stand-up Showdown,” lives the same life that you do — except that she makes it seem hilarious in this spirited one-hour comedy special.

Santa Claus has a mission to convince three problematic guys of Riverside Academy to change their attitude, especially Adam, who after being confined to a wheelchair has become a bitter guy. The misconduct of the three is causing serious problems in the academy and the task of Santa is led back they on the right track.

Inspired by somewhat true events, “Get Big” follows the misadventures of two friends as they reconnect to attend a high school classmate’s wedding. Alec is the charming troublemaker, while Nate provides the neurotic and awkward foil to his friend’s unpredictable antics. “Get Big” takes place over the course of a crazy 24-hour period during which Alec and Nate cross paths with oddball cops, curmudgeonly neighbors, drug dealers, psychopaths, escorts and pretty girls, all while the clock ticks down their classmate’s big moment.

Natsuko Yotsuya (Ema Sakura) is a teenager and she is also known as Bon. She lives in a town and has a friend, Miyu-chan, who lives with her boyfriend in Tokyo. Miyu-chan though is abused by her boyfriend. To bring back her friend back, Natsuko and her childhood friend Rintaro Tomoda (Mahiro Takasugi), also known as Lin, go to Tokyo together. With the help of a man, who they met through an internet forum for “boys’ love” manga fans, they head to Miyu-chan’s house.

When Duffy Bergman, a New York cartoonist, meets Meg Lloyd, a gourmet chef, he discovers the love of his life and they marry — yet love alone isn’t enough to make them happy. Meg decides she wants to have a baby, a goal that initially makes Duffy frantic, but soon becomes his most important desire as well. When they are unable to have a baby, Meg begins concentrating on her career and the two slowly drift apart — eventually separating. Later, when Duffy is speaking at a convention of the Delta Gamma sorority, he reveals that the Delta Gamma girls have always been his dream girls — his Love Goddesses. There he meets the young and uninhibited Delta Gamma girl, Daphne Delillo. When Daphne moves to New York to work as a network sports reporter, their mutual attraction and Daphne’s spontaneity spark an adventurous new relationship for Duffy. Now Duffy must decide which is more valuable to him — the relationship he has given up, or the relationship he has always dreamed of having.